Fibromyalgia

Woke up this morning with an incredible feeling of .... like having been beaten all over. Or rather, I woke up, as usual, already in the night at 3 a.m. like I normally do. Because it seems that whatever pain killer I take in the evening never lasts longer than to 3 a.m., and then the pain wakes me up and I go and get another dose, and wish it would help before it is time to get up and go. Sometimes I fall again to a dog's sleep, sometimes I don't. This morning I think I did.

Was to physician yesterday. She thought these pains are disturbing everything else in my body's functioning. They are keeping the blood pressure high, they are possibly prohibiting my blood problem to get any better... all the medication I take to be able to live with this pain - and to work, too - may cause that my asthma is very often out of balance. So I got double dose of amitriptyline (50 mg) and a more effective pain killer, and all the other medication to be added to it... all which I had from before.

I had pool gym yesterday. I need motioning and I need to do something to it. The trainer there said I could very well come to water run too and I am considering it. It will make my life intolerable the days after but THAT kind of pain will go by and I am not afraid of it, and when I get more used to training it will go by. It just tells I have been using muscles that I do not normally use - which is a good thing.

Took 2 Somadril comp at 3 a.m. and again 2 at 7:30 and then one Celebra and 2 Paracetamol 500 mg too. It is 10:00 and I am still in pain, I don't feel any difference from what it has been all the time.

I am keeping this diary here because my doctor wants to know if the change in medication will make any change in feeling the pain.

What she also suggested was spending a longer time in a warm and stable climate. I didn't bother telling her what my husband thinks of that. First, it costs, and I live in Finland where my disease is not considered such a disease that climate rehabilitating would be supported by state. For my husband, there is no such thing as traveling alone, without family. And with our three children at school, it would be even an impossible thought to take them with me and go away for a longer period because when I would need it, they are at school. Then we have children that need special care too, they demand more job than most children do, and we can manage that together... but alone... he is not so sure of that. So - the most effective cure is a wonderful idea but so unreachable to me. So what I get is one week during the winter holidays' time, in February. Together with the family. It is so good of course too. But one week is gone very fast and with a little misfortune it does not do the thing. Healing has only just begun when I must home again.

My health is also otherwise in a bad state. My body seems not to produce any more blood cells. I have those I have and their amount stays stable, just above crisis limit, but no reserves are built. Even those I have are small in size. So they just don't do the thing.

When I think of it - and I am no specialist of course - it is just a feeling... a guess.... what might these inevitable pain killers do to that producing mechanism? Or the feeling of pain - which is constant and almost never stops and must stress the body and its functions although I try not to care so much of it? I can force myself to go, to work, to do things in spite of the pain - but I cannot force the pain away. It is there, whatever I do, where ever I go, how ever I try to neglect it.

So now, for a week's time, I will be writing down my experiences of pain, and how I treat it, and what I do for other things. Today I am free and I must do some cleaning in the house. There is my daughter's birthday party approaching (on Sunday).

Mentioned the order to some place warm to DH and the reaction was no words but an expression... that said something like, out of question... we cannot manage here... though I think they would but...

There is one blood test I have to make today at home. Can make it right away, now as I am alone and can read the instructions in peace, without someone disturbing.